i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
