forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
