she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
