I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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