I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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