porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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