we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
