Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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