i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize