Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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