Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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