The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
