First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
