dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
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I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
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Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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