i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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