I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
