Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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