I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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