i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
