I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP