I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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