im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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