Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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