I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wish i was in the wii world.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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