You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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