well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
