well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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