I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
