btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
