If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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