Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
