I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
