i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
