Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
