I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
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She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
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Our room will be decorated with my urine.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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