Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
