Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
