what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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