the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Randomize
