Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
