Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
