with your own penis?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
