God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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