Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Also, beer. Big fan.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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