one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
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Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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