you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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