I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
