The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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