I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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