Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
