He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
