Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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