Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
it's like heaven, but drunker
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
