we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
