She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
