You just made me feel so damn special
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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