my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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