The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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