P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
