I threw up into my coffee this morning.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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