I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
