what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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