Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
