remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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